I am learning to take comfort in the truth that is Christ Jesus.
My boyfriend imparted some wonderful words of wisdom onto me recently. He said to be transparent. Now, I thought I was a pretty open individual but I soon realized that I was far from transparent. I have battled with depression and self-hatred for a long time. The devil had a field day with all the ammunition I gave him to bring me down and all this was even before I knew Jesus. I hid my insecurities from the world and walled myself into a state of pretend happiness, and I was content there for a long time, but then Jesus came. He spoke to my heart through cupcakes and daises and destroyed the wall I had so intricately built. My eyes and my heart had been open to an entirely new view of life and the journey since then has been incredibly difficult.
I often find myself in tears crying out to the Lord begging Him to explain to me why He brought the change upon me the way He did. Why did he take me drastically out of my comfort zone and throw me into a whole new sphere of people and way of life. My boyfriend at the time ,whom I was living with, broke up with me. I had to find a new place to live, make all new friends with an intimidating bunch of Christian girls and stumble my way into a life that deprived my flesh of everything it had been used to take comfort in. Trust me, there were A LOT of tears and it was all because I wasn’t trusting in the Lord and keeping Him my primary focus 100% of the time.
In the past month, and today especially, I have become more aware of the voice of the enemy. I fall into his traps more often than I evade them but it has helped me lean into Jesus and depend on Him to bring me joy, love, and confidence. I am seeking my confidence and self-worth in the rock that is never changing, Jesus Christ. When I am at war with my heart over the lies of the enemy I know I can just remind myself that God made me beautiful and that God placed me right where he needs me to be.
So here it is, me trying to take a step into transparency!
I need your prayers. I need your friendship and love. I need to surround myself with positive, uplifting, and God fearing women. I’ve let myself be afraid to reach out and make genuine friendships because of fear of loss and pain but in Christ I don’t have to fear those things the same way anymore.
I thank the Lord for all that He has done for me so far, and all that I know He is doing for me in the future.
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